A Healing Weekend

This weekend, I finally decided to live again.

Ever since the pandemic started, I lived in fear of the virus. I was a shell of my former self - an outgoing, social and adventurous person, I am now introverted, cautious and anxious. I lived inside for so long, all I know are TV Shows and Covid strands and numbers. Ive lost track of time and dates that the only indicator of time I know is when I start and stop working. 

Before I know it, 2 years had gone by and I have not done anything. Anything worthwhile.

Then this weekend happened. We went for a drive and decided to be spontaneous. After the visit to my Lolo and Lola's grave, I decided to head to the beach, and watch the sunset. 

The little girl enjoying the beach

Sunsets

I envied the people swimming on the beach, there they are, living. The virus is still here, the threat is very real but they, they are living. Laughing. Basking in the sun. I used to be like that. I used to run into the ocean and just, swim. Let the waves take me and just, float away. 

The next day, Sunday, we also decided for a drive. To just drive. We ended up by a mountainside church with a duck pond. I just stared at that pond for a good minute and just listened to the sounds of nature. I haven't heard nature in years. The chirps of the birds, the buzz of grasshoppers, the slow waves of the water, even rhythmic hums cicadas. I am missing on so much of my life. Because, I am afraid. 

When my niece woke me up from my stupor, I realized, I cannot live like a hollowed out person in constant fear of whats to come. Overthinking, paralyzed by events that may or may not come true. I have to live. I want to live. 

Im going to live again, and I think, for the first time in 2 years, i'm finally starting to heal.